MASS CHAOS WRECKS HAVOC ON YOUNG WOMANS'S MINDThere are always times when I feel more contemplative. More... dare I say it? Philosophical.
Okay, so maybe I am just using those words incorrectly, and that is okay, it happens to me all the time.
Anyways, I have been thinking a lot lately... when I'm not talking. I told my roommate Emily that I was going to try and speak less and listen more... I feel like it hasn't been working, or that maybe I am not trying hard enough. If you think different maybe tell me? Or better, help me remember that I am actually trying to LISTEN now. To me listening and patience are similar, NOT THE SAME but SIMILAR!!! (oy, I dislike greatly that people always say "not it's not" when I say similar because they always think the same... GRRR) I digress...
For me the practice of listening takes patience. Neither traits I excel in.
I've also been thinking, there are always those secrets you don't want anyone to know. Those things that you worry if someone knew they would think differently of you and they always tell you "I would never think differently I love you too much." I can't help but feel that is a lie. We are humans and persuaded by thoughts and actions so much that we would change our opinion of someone based on that. Especially if we base opinion on such small things like voice, clothes, or physical appearance. Even if you think you don't; you do.
But what are you supposed to do with those secrets. The ones that you can't tell but wish you could. The ones that are not pretty. The ones that only God knows because he can see you and you heart and your intentions. Creepy sometimes how omnipotent God is.
How do you come to terms with your secrets, which many times can become almost like a sickness? If you never tell anyone how do you know that no one else goes through it, but it's too hard to admit for worry of rejection. Someone else out there is bound to have the same problem, but since it is so hard to admit you'll never know.
What do you do then?
~Carollela~
Pic Two: (One of my favorite Webcomics) http://xkcd.com/46/
1 comment:
Dear Talkative,
Maybe you don't "feel" like your really talking less, but in reality perhaps you are. Is it possible that you feel this way because you've been trying so hard to listen actively that when you do talk it seems so 'loud'? Ask your friends how your doing, get an honest assessment, and try hugging yourself more. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Dearest Secrets,
Secrets are a scary thing sometimes, they can be such an enigma. Your secrets are your own and it is good sometimes to share, but you are right about people who fib about not judging those things you really think about. Have you tried telling yourself your secrets to see how you would think? Maybe all you really need is to recognize your weakness, then ask God what he thinks. He is faithful to show you his answer in the way he speaks to you in the way your heart recognizes him, individually. My advise: Allow yourself the right to be imperfect and then allow Jesus to show you the wonderful woman you really are.
Peace and Joy
The Prospective Musher
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